1. Gay sex scandal. She is a Republican, after all...
2. Straight sex scandal. She's a lady Republican, they might do it backwards.
3. Sarah Palin didn't actually deliver that speech, it was Tina Fey.
4. She loves the spotlight and is jealous that Michael Jackson is taking it all.
5. She actually is thinking of running for president, but will first get a brain transplant. Hoping for Ronald Reagan's, she is actually implanted with Bea Arthur's brain. She becomes my feminist hero. (This one is more of a dream than a theory)
6. She actually is thinking of running for president and doesn't understand how incredibly, colossally stupid this move is.
7. She actually is thinking of running for president and I just don't understand politics enough to understand how brilliant this move is.
8. She'd rather hang out with her kids. Piper seems pretty cool.
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